Td bank

Sunny warm day in Aurora ontario, no wind, I have a ton of things to do before I leave .

Dry cleaners
Bank.
Funeral home ( reg visit these days)
Shoppers
Staples
Metro
Gotta pack
Change the sheets on my bed,
.........
All this to do busy busy busy... and underneath these small simple task I'm dying inside, fearful I might have to see someone post hilton s death...

Going around town moving faster then my mind, as I don't want my thoughts to catch up with me in case I have to face some emotional dog shit.....

Robin in my office told me this morning lisa at the bank is not at the bank..... So if I'm going for American money... She is not there...... Dammit, she is not there... Despite the fact every time I see lisa I choke up ... It comforting because I broke through those wall with lisa long ago about 3 days after hilton died., ......

Mark my words, post hilton, meeting people is really fucking hard....emotional awkward, weird, tear jerking. Scary....
And the longer it goes the harder it is...
Anyway............

as I make my way around town, TD bank is one of many, stops.
wellington and young branch, ...
Shit lisa has not been there in a year, staff changes? and I'm sure I won't know anyone ...so...boom boom boom .... In I went strong and confident...

As I approached the counter, the girl behind the counter recognised me, and I her,
no word were passed other then business,
but my spidy senses told me she knew...

Silence while we waited for her computer to catch up with my request... I said without EYE contact....
" You know?" ....
She said with out eye contact....
" I do Tim".......

Awkward turtle....
Choke,
my throat closes over, another girls beside the lady I was dealing with, says
" we follow the blog" ...
I look away.... Sigh....

the girl I'm dealing with reaches for my hand I take it..... A gentle nod.... And I run away.

Out side to fresh air, like I was drowning ,
the cool spring air was like the first gasp after a deep dive.......

I really hate that feeling, of, facing people post hiltons death.....and at that moment I really need someone to talk to some where to turn... Right at that moment, And I have no one.... So lonely......

Weird shit,