Saturday, April 2, 2011

Observation: taking stock....

So hilton, I want you to know how proud I am of you, even though your life was cut short, you did a lot of shit, you were strong and kind, tough, opinionated, quick, smart, really fucking smart, much smarter then your father.

I'm gonna miss you.

I'm really pissed off you were stolen from me.

Mourning you is really hard, exhausting ....

I don't sleep well, shitty,

I pray to you all the time,

Its been 5 months since you died,

I slowed down writing on the blog, not because I don't want too, but I was tired of people being so self consumed , people would contact me and reflect what they read on them selves..... They say: " was that me you were speaking about"

Or I would get told; " its time to get back to work"

Or " every time I read your blog its the same"

So I just took a little break... But buddy I'm back.... Don't worry, I haven't gone anywhere...

My daughters and I have had a tough time,
A complete understatement.

Recently I have become self absorbed.

Quick review:
Between losing ciaran, and his brothers

having my brothers turn there back and become spiteful,

me destroying my marriage,

losing my son,

all in the last 24 months,

I'm allowed to have a little pity party, ( sigh)

I want to say to Kat and georg : I love you, I'm sorry for everything you have had to go through, I love you both unconditional, I respect you both, and think you are terrific strong passionate girls... Loyal,
I'm so proud of you both.
as you grow up, help each other, stand beside each other, guide each other....

I promise I have not gone anywhere.... I'm right here.

I love you both.. So much...

You Dad....

Ps: I know hilton would be proud of me writing in this blog.....good , bad, the ugly.... He would repect it, he would tell me I'm stupid, but he would be proud that I'm writing it...

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