Eugene lakes funeral
Riddled with anxiety waiting for one of the three people who dislike ( wish bad thing on me) and would cause a scene or harm me emotionally or phiscally upon there arrival ...and wreck this shitty experience for me and Rods family even more.... Then what it is...
Last time one of may staff saw one of these people the told my staffer, that they wanted to beat the shit out of me the next time they saw me...
Nice eh..
Anyway.. Anxiety riddled..
standing with
my back against the wall, alone, only the company of two security guards..... Wanting to be alone....
My back hurts, my body is sore,.my chest is so tight,
Not from effort or working out but from heart ache and loss...
I'm so fucking tired. Yet I can't sleep...
Looking up from my blackberry to watch a slide show of eugene lake. Age 49 father of eight children
Rod murray strolls beside me eugenes father'n law... I whispered to rod,
I feel like a beaten dog...
Rod said: over his reading glasses and beer on his breath....
Tim, do ya know what a beaten dog does, he licks his nuts and gets up and keeps going...
No laughter.. He winked and strolls away....
Show begins......
Great slide show , lots of people....200 maybe 300 watching ... Awesome,
I just hate being here alone
And that country music can't they play it backwards...
I feel like my world is so small, and I'm in a bubble.. And every one is watching yet nobody really cares... Yet I'm really sensitive to everyone watching...
Leeann I'm so sorry .....
Celina I'm so sorry.....
Hilton I'm so sorry,
The music leeann pick is so sad, I hate it..... I want to vomit in my own mouth.
Its 4:08pm
The tears, non stop tears and physical chest pain... Tight...
I feel sterilised, washed up and fuck up.... I can't look and every song finishes with a little silence, and I thinks its over and another one starts.... Another sad song and another bunch of pics, I'm tired of watching and now I sound so selfish, washed out with guilt because I'm hurting for myself not leeann
Bad thing come in threes... Right GOD... Fuck'n better be right, cause I have had enough.... Really that's enough... I need time to heal, I need time to breath I need time to live...
Rod and Audrey You rock, I can feel your love,
Its the end of another week, thank you god for letting me survive...
I love you hilton....
Riddled with anxiety waiting for one of the three people who dislike ( wish bad thing on me) and would cause a scene or harm me emotionally or phiscally upon there arrival ...and wreck this shitty experience for me and Rods family even more.... Then what it is...
Last time one of may staff saw one of these people the told my staffer, that they wanted to beat the shit out of me the next time they saw me...
Nice eh..
Anyway.. Anxiety riddled..
standing with
my back against the wall, alone, only the company of two security guards..... Wanting to be alone....
My back hurts, my body is sore,.my chest is so tight,
Not from effort or working out but from heart ache and loss...
I'm so fucking tired. Yet I can't sleep...
Looking up from my blackberry to watch a slide show of eugene lake. Age 49 father of eight children
Rod murray strolls beside me eugenes father'n law... I whispered to rod,
I feel like a beaten dog...
Rod said: over his reading glasses and beer on his breath....
Tim, do ya know what a beaten dog does, he licks his nuts and gets up and keeps going...
No laughter.. He winked and strolls away....
Show begins......
Great slide show , lots of people....200 maybe 300 watching ... Awesome,
I just hate being here alone
And that country music can't they play it backwards...
I feel like my world is so small, and I'm in a bubble.. And every one is watching yet nobody really cares... Yet I'm really sensitive to everyone watching...
Leeann I'm so sorry .....
Celina I'm so sorry.....
Hilton I'm so sorry,
The music leeann pick is so sad, I hate it..... I want to vomit in my own mouth.
Its 4:08pm
The tears, non stop tears and physical chest pain... Tight...
I feel sterilised, washed up and fuck up.... I can't look and every song finishes with a little silence, and I thinks its over and another one starts.... Another sad song and another bunch of pics, I'm tired of watching and now I sound so selfish, washed out with guilt because I'm hurting for myself not leeann
Bad thing come in threes... Right GOD... Fuck'n better be right, cause I have had enough.... Really that's enough... I need time to heal, I need time to breath I need time to live...
Rod and Audrey You rock, I can feel your love,
Its the end of another week, thank you god for letting me survive...
I love you hilton....
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