Big white

As we all pack and get ready to leave for big white, my excitement is coated with anxiety, vacation don't seem real with out hilton, as I pack kats stuff and load it in the truck, I truly have a surreal moment thinking I'm missing some luggage, because............ We are....

Hiltons.....

Hilton did one semester in big white ( kalowna,,, never got to snow baord, lost of long boarding, pot smoking and drinking, .... Failed ever course, love the life not the academia........
Came home tail between his legs 12,000 in debt.... But told me he was gonna go back to ride the mountain...

He never made it...

So now kat georg kellie and I are going......
With a little bit of hiltons ashes.....  To leave behind...

This is gonna be a big emotional ride, fucked up crazy... I can feel it, it started last night when I began to pack... The tsunami... In the horizon...

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Strangely being here is not as bad as being in tremblant..

Emotionally,
The physical pains in my chest only hurts a little....
Yet,
Its 4:00am half a sleep, waiting for morning, typing into a blog...
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Melissa from VAN you rock send me the comments,
Spread the blog around....
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Let go back to 2008 labour day, weekend, start of university... ( I never finished the stupid story..)
Hilti and I got into town on the thursday, and went looking for a hotel, and sure enough so was every other parent.. Dropping there kid off, I was so proud of hilton making it to university, this weekend he and I ( hilti was 18) he and I This weekend are gonna shop til we drop , go have a beer together, drive up to big white just to look at what we will be boarding on this winter, peek around campus.... I was gonna love him to death this weekend...
As we check into the no-tel-motel ground floor back alley presidential suite, it just didn't matter this was gonna be great...
It was 12am...
And we both passed out... And then awoke to the tv..... Not watching....
Crashing....
At 2am a tv, came out a plate glass window from the 2cd floor, onto the ashphalt below, right beside my truck as I peeked out the window, and could here foot steps about, I said to hilton welcome to university life.....hehehheh assholes.... ( There's more to the story...later.. Don't worry I will finish it)
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( Bring it forward to today)
4:30am..... First day... In big white 2011.. Without hilton..
I'm gonna be up first , again, that normal these days, now with the time change its even shittyier sleep.....
I even responded to a customer back in toronto.... Hi james....don't worry...
Pancakes? I love breakfast, so did the "hilton"....we would Go to nannas every 2cd weekend for pancakes.... He loved chatting with nann
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7am fuck that took a long time....
GOOD MORNING.......

What a day, sunny warm soft snow,
Carrie, kris, kellie kat Philip, georg and I pound down these bumps... And it was so much fun...
And kat whispered to me
"This run hilton would love let's put his ashes here"...
( Not yet)
, I still can't help but ball like a baby every time I go somewhere where I think he would love....TO BE...
Sometime this week we will find the best place...hilton to rest....

Awful , just fucking awful that I'm doing this shit....
Tonight Kat and I sat on my bed and talked for an hour in a whisper, about life, hilton, school, relationships... It was cool. We had a great fluid talk.. Back and forth...it was like she was normal or something???? EH,
Yaaaa. To be 18....
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Everyone cashing early today, 7:30pm
Kris and Carrie have changed the dynamic. A little lighter, despite I can feel the tension Brew.. Dropping hiltons ashes has become a ritual....
Funny growing up with the kids, everything is a ritual, dentist.. Breakfast first day of school, snow boarding, ... The list is huge of all the traditions we had, family rituals.... And now dropping hilton off has become one.....
Sigh................ Its not fare...
Your children should not die before you.....

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