Going to Larry

Sunday night kat and georg and I discussed going to the dentist monday morning at 8am.

Its funny the overwhelming anxiety you can have to go see a dentist. And not for the reason ya think...

Most of us don't like people picking in our mouth.....

hilton, kat georg and I have turn going into the dentist into a ritual, we love having our teeth cleaned and having breakfast after, it was our thing...... ( Stupid thing small, but so important to us)

I have never not gone to the dentist with hilton for 18 years.

Monday morning was going to be the first time, without the LAD

As we arrived monday morning at 8am as a gentlemen , I opened the front door of the dentist office for kat and georg,

kat looked at me and said you go first, ......
There was a moment, 2 or 3 seconds we stared at each other.... Fight or flight...

That moment our eyes met, and we both wanted to run-a-way.... And between the both of us , busting through..... Was Georg... Who could give a shit, and so innocent, about what was going on between my beautiful 18 daughter and I...

We stroll in and the lady behind the counter says.... You guys are tomorrow...

Yahoo..... You could see how fast I grabbed the door knob and kat body slams the glass door like starsky and hutch..... Georga is like fuzzy bear.... Just there for the ride....

Dr. Larrys receptionist yells,..... "Guys its tomorrow same time". As her voice lessons with the closing of the door......

Kat and I get a bonus day to hide from our demons,
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Kat and I barely discuss our anxieties out loud, in depth... grieving...no need we both get it,
And the dentists... Is just one more thing In this year of fucking firsts that has been force upon me.... And my family.....

Tuesday morning.......

Dr. Larry said he was sorry for my loss, we discussed the weather..... And I cried, and could not make eye contact....

Thank christ that 1st is over.....

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We left the dentists office and I ask kat.... " So did he say anything to you?" She said; no, you?... " Yeah, and my lip quivered, and nothing else was said in the truck that morning as I glanced at georga in my review view mirror, in the back seat and she said........ " I love you poppy"
its like she just knows ...

Its horrible that the grieving we go through is so well understood between us that no word need to be shared anymore, ... Just a simple glance at my 9 year daughter and I know how much she misses her brother.........

Another fucking day.... Another fucking day....
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Right now I'm hiding in my. Board room... Listening to other laugh.... As I cry.............as I type ..

Some days are more difficult then other.....

Hilton I love you buddy. I wish I could have you back..... God dammit......