Lonely, weird, decompression

Well its been an awful day... For everyone...

Georga and kat went to school.... " SHIT+SHOW"

Poor mr. McClure... Was told not to look -dam you KAT...

Katie , alex and nat all text me today...

Last night I shut off my blackberry between 1:30am to 6 am... Why...

Because for the last 27 days , 24 hours around the clock I got a text, and email or a bbM... A comment on the blog.... Every 3 minutes,,,

now as everyone else is moving on,
my life and my families all stayed still... Dead still, like everything has gone slow motion...
My mind sees hilton everywhere...

Kellie asked me to order fire wood ... And BOOM,
every year hilton and I would stack and split Wood... Last year... He and I did it in (- 5.)
we had toques on...
No jackets
we took this 10lb AXE and each had 5 swings... And discussed the Art of chopping wood, we were sweating ,
like real men,
laughing at every missed hit... Till after 11pm ,
kellie came out and told us that was enough for the night because the street didn't need to hear us any more... ...

I miss him

I went to work today... And I went to the esso station , its where I go every morning and I was so scared to see john at the country style.... John owns the esso, and he has seen me every morning for 5 years and knows my son, and this morning I could feel my heart race , I went in and out as fast as I could missing john... Thank god!

----------------------------------
In my office was spooky, I felt like every person stared at me. Not knowing what to say, because they did just loose the owners 20 year old son they lost a fellow worker... And comrade...

Kelly my sister said I should get a therapist in for everyone to learn how to deal with it.... I like the idea...cause fuck if I know what to do...

----------------------------------

Rodney and I spoke... Today for an hour, he just listened... I have known rod for 23 maybe 25 years... He has seen me at my best and worst...
Thanks ROD...
------------------------------------

Can I tell you that the gentlemen That my son hit on oct 11 was at the party we had for hilton...
The guy on the motorbike...

Frank

Frank is a great man he hugged me like we were old friends....

He contacted me the day before, he told me by email that he has read every blog...

When he emailed me I cried so hard....

I have not asked for a single detail of the accident,

Nor did I watch that roger news spot penny did, I don't need details yet... My heart is so broken... I can't afford it to be ripped out any more..

After the church service every one left even the MENKES bunch .. God love them david bennett would be proud to see you all...

Frank stood out side the church with his wife and stared at me....

I said slowly......
Frank?

We stared again no other words said...
We embraced like long lost friends, saddened like The words we can't remember got in the way of our relationship... For years but now its oK, Arms deeply around each other... Holding on...

I was so happy to see him I began to cry....
Sob, whimper...
I said: "did you get to know him"
Frank said it was great... I feel like I know him.......

I ride a motor bike... I made frank promise that next summer we will go for a long ride, get two cigars find a place where the sun is going down... Have a slow smoke... And talk about everything....


SIGH........ Deep breath ....... Sigh..........
----------------------------
Hi emily.... I'm so jealous
Of corey.. ( Corey had DAI in the ICU at the same time... Just not as fucking bad as hilti.. He is up and talking... God bless him... He is so fucking lucky... Im so jealous , green, angry that hilton did not have the same condition... .
------------------------------------

Sleeping is so hard... I hate sleeping I have these huge nightmares....
-------------------------------------
Hey scotty!

Your like a brother to me, more then my blood brother are... You were beside me this whole journey, never judge mental, just there when ever I needed... Thank you.

-------------------------------------
Good bless , sweet dreams , don't let the bug beds bite....