I have been told to talk to hilton...
It does not help, but I like to do it...
Some kind of weird comfort, I just started doing it..
Its the crying and the shortness of breath and the pain in my chest... That makes the process of talking to him hard..
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Its hard to find any comfort... In Meeting people since his death, it hard.. Because they/ you don't know what to say...
I feel like a leper
Customers, suppliers , staff... Its all awkward for me... I'm a in your face guy... But ... This is So gut wrenching.... Who can get in anyone's face...
And I will be honest, no one has to say a thing.... When we meet face to face...
Or speak on the phone
Its kinda like a big pink elephant... And really in this case don't bother... Telling me about it ... I know..... Your sorry for my loss...
Don't say that....
Say, I really liked hilton, or he was great, or I hated him. Or I remember when I .... Like Kathy today told me on sundays when switch'n out cars with hilton he would come into her back yard for a beer... Every sunday ....
See... I love that... That's what I want to hear...
A little story how hilton touch you... Through someone your direct...
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I do like hearing how great his " dean martin roast " was... Cause in my books that was the best fucking funeral celebration of someone's life I have ever been too..
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Just don't be surprised when you talk to penny, kellie, KAt , georg or myself that we won't break into tears...cause we will,
funny thing we have all gotten used to crying....and we just wish that everyone else around us would ... Be ok with crying it would make life easier...
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Tonight I went grocery shopping...
Hilton was the only 20 year old man who still like to go grocery shopping with his dad....
I think he like to come with me just because we could talk about dog shit nothing... But as long as he could talk freely with me... Alone... He just wanted to talk....
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I still have more stories of the ICU,
The first day.....
Collette our social worker..... She did a wonderful job...
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I think I will read my blog 10 years from now, or one of the kids will .. And think wow uncle timmy was a mess....... And hilton was great..( That's normal)
Hilton was normal, nice...kid ,sorry, man... He like to play guitar.... He loved music, he loved, to edit video,....
He loved to fight with me... Mexican stand off.... Style
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I have so much to tell everyone in my family about him... I don't want anyone to forget a thing about him.... Over the next few months when I'm done talk about the 20 days in the ICU ,
I'm gonna tell every little story...of his life....
So I don't forget one part of his beautiful short life.....
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I'm proud to be his father...
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Its funny that there still is hundreds of hits a day on this site...
To date I lost track but way more the 100,000 people have come to this site... And I'm always impressed when someone tries to write something nasty about what I have written...
So....
When you have walk a mile in my shoes you can become a critic....
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Hey, hilton... I love you, thanks for being my son...
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God bless , sweet dreams don't let the bed bugs bite....
I started doing the same, talking to him....every time I'm in the backyard with Angus, which is a lot. I talk and talk.....then I weep uncontrollably.
ReplyDeleteHe and I used to talk about electronics and funny enough cars and I ask him all kinds of stuff. It makes my chest ache and my head hurt.
Penny - the Mom